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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:41 pm 
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*and then leon instantly turned his face to you and sliced you into pieces :thumb:*

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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 12:28 am 
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Unlucky_Charms wrote:
Ten_Tacles wrote:
catgame21234 wrote:
Oh we have one new major announcement.
To speed up production, we have the help of Speed to help with layouts within the drawings, coloring, and minor language translation, and that's a step above google translate. You will odds are not see that much of his work in the final product… but still! we still welcome you to the main stay team, Speed!

So you taking drugs now?


My first thought :facepalm:
Then I remembered they do awesome 3d modelling :ayla:

Glad to see this finally come back up :scoop:

Although seeing as how you ship Frog x Leon I can only assume this will go where I think it will :drone:
(pls, i have enough mental scars from that *thing* already :GnawCry: )
Speed wrote:
Image

:shrug: So leon how big is it?
:leoneyes: Zis big about a thumb. Ze size does not matter juzt where I put it
:shrug: oh leon!
:leoneyes: youz do know what I am going to uze zis big tongue for right? my sweet froggy g! :LeonWink:

once you cleanse your minds of that image what is this *thing* we are talking about

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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 1:28 am 
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we really need to speed up production now guys • _•;

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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 1:33 am 
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catgame21234 wrote:
Image
we really need to speed up production now guys • _•;

Mind if I steal that image?
I can think of some good uses for it :tongue:


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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 1:49 am 
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catgame21234 wrote:
Image
we really need to speed up production now guys • _•;

every week without updates leon gets a new waifu :leoneyes: make it quick!
your pics never fail to make me laugh

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Emo Chapington wrote:
pyrogamerman wrote:
you have a bad lawyer

But Catgame is my lawy-
Oh.
:blabl: This proves Catgame is evil! :fist:


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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:10 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:52 pm 
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Speed wrote:
Image

awesomenauts inflation ftw

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SAVE THE SOLAR TREE!
Emo Chapington wrote:
pyrogamerman wrote:
you have a bad lawyer

But Catgame is my lawy-
Oh.
:blabl: This proves Catgame is evil! :fist:


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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 11:02 pm 
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Speed wrote:
Image

Proportionally accurate. :clap:


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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 2:41 pm 
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Emo Chapington wrote:
Speed wrote:
Image

Proportionally accurate. :clap:


Oh god no, pls don't remind me of MegaMorrison's thread Image

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 Post subject: Re: [Writing] AwesomenautsAssemble
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 4:46 am 
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:leoneyes: Awesome job with the first chapter :thumb:

It's probably a bad time with the second episode (probably) close to being finished, but I think I should give some feedback on the whole thing.
forgive me for sounding like a judge/teacher, it's a little condescending just to warn you

You (both) have a great style and a unique take on the characters. I found it interesting that Lonestar was the new guy, but thinking about it after reading it, any other of the first 6 wouldn't have been as interesting.

Right now I think the best thing this story has is its character development. You obviously haven't gotten into the story yet, and the first chapter was only character development, so I can't really judge plot, but I can say that the thing kept me reading was anticipation of what will happen when the characters meet. This is a big thing, because pretty much everyone who plays the game likes (some of) the characters, and that's basically the big draw for any fan writing.
^ That all means that if you keep introducing new characters it will benefit you a lot. The invisible ghost that turned out to be Leon was a nice hook, and it kept me (not knowing that it was limited to the first six) guessing who it could be.
Also the reference to Blabl and the number of rooms was awesome. Seriously, clever.
As for writing/grammar, aside from spelling errors, I feel like some words were awkward. I'll just give an example.

"Clunk scrutinized the item, seemingly checking its authenticity"
The first half is perfect, but the in the second half the word "seemingly" threw me off a little. Descriptions need to be *seemless* :clap: and easy to read. I know I probably sound like a :voltarroll: for picking on this one tiny thing, that might as well just be a result of overlooking something, but it happens a lot. (my fix would be either replacing "authenticity" with a word like validity (something with less syllables will do), or changing "seemingly" with words like discreetly, or carefully) I'll give one more example just to be more of a :voltarroll: .

"“Of course, few stitches there, maybe there too, oh and maybe on top of your-” Froggy began to sweat as he shakily replied."

Shakily is a weird word :tongue: there are lots of ways you can change this so I'm not going to tell you there's only one way but a few ways could be
"Froggy began to sweat as he nervously replied, shaking with fear."
or "Froggy began to sweat as he replied, shaking."
Or maybe even just "Froggy began to sweat as he replied shakily."
The way you phrase it is totally up to you. In fact now that I look at it I can totally understand why you would say shakily replied, and I'm probably just complaining about nothing.
I'm such a :voltarroll:
But other than that, the dialogue is spot on in this sentence.

I'm glad someone could finally make something like this and it really turned out great. It's a new kind of format for me but it worked fine. I won't post anything like this again on this thread because you probably get it by now, but I will definitely keep reading with every release. Also I'm sure if you wanted to speed up production that there are plenty of better ways to do it than by whipping the writer :CocoWink: . There's a community full of viewers who are probably more than willing to whip- I mean work to get this released. :scoop:
GL HF

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